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7 reasons why I hate the British summer

03 May Posted by in Travel | 28 comments
7 reasons why I hate the British summer
 

Now I should say before you all start worrying, I love my country (especially my coastal town on the English Riviera) when the sun is shining; I have gorgeous scenery around my place. However, there are just a few niggles that get me hating the British Summer….

1. Boobs
The leather-skinned water balloons of a 60 year old in her vest top kicking them with her knees – it’s just wrong.
2. Moobs
Similar to boobs but these are adorned by the male species in a tight t-shirt two sizes too smaller, usually resting on these…
3. Beer guts a.k.a. beer babies
Again, worn by the men proudly displayed under the same tight shirt to let the ladies know that they can hold their liquor and be proud of it.

4. Orange Peel
No, I’m not talking about what’s in the fruit aisle but the stuff on women’s butts. I’ve got no problem with The Peel (we all have it) but if you look like an orange grove and still think you look good with it in a bikini at age 60 you better get some new glasses.

5. Hankerchief hats
We’re not in WWII anymore so take them off and slap some sun cream on your cue ball head; you look like an idiot.
6. The Show Offs
Not specific to either sex, these are the Egyptian Cats of the summer; the more skin on show the better. For women that means walking around in short shorts (riding up their ass) with just a bikini on and for men it means walking anywhere from the supermarket through to main roads shirtless. Ditch the pint and use the money to buy a top.
7. Tan lines
There’s nothing wrong with small strip and triangle lines (I’ll let your imagination think about that). It’s when you spend all day in the sun with a strappy top on then wear a strapless top the next day looking like you’ve been painted white with a stencil. Sunbathe strapless/topless or fake tan it. Either way; fix it.*

*Disclaimer: these are wild generalisations but if I ever meet you one on one I’ll be polite and may even like you unless you do points 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 and 7.

Aloha!

  1. Jane Lambert05-03-11

    I found you on 20SB so I thought I’d pop over and say hello. I read this post first, and it made me laugh because it’s so true! I particularly hate the excessive amounts of flesh that automatically start being displayed because of the sun! Especially men who take their tops off at the first hint of sunshine, despite it not being warm enough, and despite them not having chests that deserve any amount of exposure! :)
    Jane Lambert recently posted..Jane loves weddings

  2. Chris05-03-11

    The worst part of all of this, you brits get into the above gear when its not even hot yet.
    Chris recently posted..Will And Kate – The Royal Wedding

  3. Waegook Tom05-04-11

    Ohmygod, yes! As a guy who grew up in North Yorkshire, I can relate to this! When it hits 22-23C, summer gear comes out!

    The sad thing is, with the shirtless men – it’s never the attractive ones that you wouldn’t complain about. It’s always the moobs/beer bellied brigade, or chavs that look like they need a good meal.

    This post could have been written by my mum! She’s a classy summer lady – maxi dresses and summer tops that don’t show a monstrous amount of boobage!

    Chris – you have to understand how rare sunshine can be in the UK! some years, we don’t even get a summer. It’s like, “you remember that week in May when it was 25C? that was summer.”

  4. tom05-04-11

    Found your post from a retweet and honestly I laughed out pretty loud, has certainly brightened up my morning!

    I live in near Bournemouth and can definitely relate to all the above points from our beaches around here!
    tom recently posted..Medieval Normandy

  5. Toni05-04-11

    Jane – thanks for stopping by =) When summer hits the UK we should change our pastime to ‘strippers’ because, as you say, with the amount of flesh on show it does get a little ridiculous. Bikinis are for beachs and sunbathing, not buying mince meat in the frozen section aisle of your local supermarket =) And I totally get you on the skinny chavs – just because they’re not fat, they still don’t have anything to show off haha

  6. Toni05-04-11

    Chris, now come on bud, that comment’s just not fair. You get the sun for 3/4 of the entire year!! We’re lucky if we get one for 3/4 DAYS. It’s a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ kinda phenomenon =) Though yes, I will agree that some people get a little ridiculous at 20 degrees; I wait until at least 24 ;)

  7. Toni05-04-11

    Tom – Glad I brightened up the day a little for you =) Oh Bournemouth? Man, I feel your pain. Yours and Brighton’s beach are always in the papers when the sun comes out. It’s hilarious. If you actually look at the big photos they use, you can find someone to represent every point on the list, it’s shameful haha

  8. Toni05-04-11

    Waegook – Oh yeah, definitely. I would have no problem with a guy having his stomach out if he has a six pack and defined muscles but in no other circumstances should they get their beer bellies out haha And yes, the skinny ones that look like mal-nutritioned children are just as bad!
    You can show off some ‘boobage’ if you have a smaller chest but not if they’re the size of watermellons with skin so leathered they could lead their own cattle herd haha Your mum and I sound like we would get on =)

  9. Chloe05-07-11

    It seems we have very similar views on this whole ‘British Summer/tourist’ thing :D

    The whole thing should be outlawed, really. It’s as though some sort of alarm sounds on a sunny day to alert all the freaks to come out and ‘display the goods’ to the general public. Newsflash: the general public want to be able to keep their food down. Let them.

    Thanks for a good giggle ;)
    Chloe recently posted..Dear Benalmadena- Please- stop doing this

  10. Marina C.05-09-11

    haha this is pretty amazing, just want to let you know that the fenomena do not only appear in Britain but I think practically anywhere where it gets hot and there is tourism… I have seen quite a few of each in Greece where I spend my summers.. ;)

    Cheers!

    Marina C.

    acitizentoftheworld.blogspot.com

  11. agirlfromoz05-10-11

    As someone who grew up in Australia and is currently living in UK……I have to nod in agreement. What I think of as hot/summer weather and what Brits think of as hot/summer weather can be two totally different things…..

    PS found you via 20sb
    agirlfromoz recently posted..Story behind the photo – Prague

  12. Katie05-11-11

    Oh man. I laughed because it’s true. It’s not just limited to the British summer either. Check out Seaside, NJ and add “orange skin” to that list.
    Katie recently posted..Whats for dinner

  13. Katie05-11-11

    I should add, I mean spray tans. ;)
    Katie recently posted..Whats for dinner

  14. Toni05-11-11

    Katie – don’t need to visit (or watch) NJ shore, there is enough fake tan in our bars and clubs to paint the town; ugh. I’d hate to see what their sheets look like lol

  15. Toni05-11-11

    Girl from Oz – Thanks for stopping by! Tt’s true that your summer is much hotter and nicer but you have to remember that our ‘summer’ is a ‘blink and you miss it’ phenomenon which is why everyone gets their skin out at the earlier opportunity haha.

  16. Toni05-11-11

    Marine – thanks for stopping by! Anywhere there is a British tourist you will see the same thing sadly but at least it makes them easy to spot =)

  17. Toni05-11-11

    OzGirl – welcome newbie =) You’re forgetting that our Summer is invariably a ‘peekaboo’ phenomenon i.e. blink and you’ll miss it, so can you really blame us?! :p

  18. Toni05-11-11

    Chloe – you’re welcome for the giggle. It really does p*** me off; I want to be anything BUT British when Summer is on and the skin comes out. I mean, there are classy ways to way shorts and low tops without looking like a hooker ;)

  19. jade05-16-11

    Haha, too funny! I have to say, being American… we have the same things here! Awful beer guts are the worst!

  20. Toni05-16-11

    Jade – I should imagine the beer guts and moobs are even bigger in your part of the world lol. You’d need to special glasses to stop it all scarring your retinas! =)

  21. Linda07-15-11

    LOL! This made me laugh so much. Since I live on the island of Tenerife you can imagine that these types of views aren’t limited to just a few weeks in summer! I passed by what is publicized as an upmarket tourist beach the other day, and it wasn’t exactly “Burn Notice” ….. did you notice how all the passersby on that show have beautiful bodies??

    The very worst I think was when I was working in a telecoms office and guys used to come in shirtless. I was so disgusting, and, as someone else said, it was never, ever anyone with a nice body (nor under 65 come to that!…….I can still look, can’t I?!)

    I just found you via the 7 Things Project and like your blog – off to read more!

  22. Toni07-16-11

    @Linda – glad you enjoyed the post =) You live on Tenerife? My heart bleeds for you, you poor thing! That would be my worse nightmare – it was bad enough when I hit the touristy parts of Thailand! haha. And I totally agree with you and the shirt thing – you wouldn’t mind so much if they looked like a Calvin Klein model but they never do; ugh! =D

  23. Hogga07-29-11

    HAHA… this kinda makes me happy the beach near my house isn’t nice for swimming.

  24. Toni07-29-11

    @Hogga – girl I can’t tell you how many wrong things there are on the beach haha. Think I might have to do a follow-up post =D

  25. Jennifer Nixon (@jenniferbnixon)08-04-11

    Lol, love this – why is it ok to walk into the supermarket in your bikini? you wouldn’t do it in your underwear!!!

  26. Toni08-04-11

    @Jennifer – my thoughts exactly! Sooooo trashy haha. Think I need to do a follow-up post, I’ve seen so many more errors lol

  27. crazy sexy fun traveler08-15-12

    Haha cool pics :) I hated British summer too when I worked as a stewardess in Scotland and the flights were full of British families going on holidays … PITA

  28. Toni08-29-12

    Crazy – I think the summer in Scotland would be even worse than the rest of England! ;)

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