7 reasons why the Universe is a man

I should write a disclaimer before you read this post that I love men, I think we’ve established that, but there are definitely a few things in life that help men out more than women so excuse me gentleman as I write a post that will have every woman nodding their head in agreement…

Men can pee anywhere and anyhow they like
Seriously, this is one of the main things I hate. No, I don’t want to have sex-change surgery but I wouldn’t mind being able to pee without having to remove everything just for something that’s going to take a few seconds. At a festival and need the loo? Sure, just pop your willy out of the tent and you’re good to go! Walking home drunk and have to go? Well just do it in the neighbours garden! And don’t even get me going on wet suits! I’ve seen men in suits that have a built-in zip to just whip it out whenever they like. When a woman needs to go to the loo, not only do you have to peel yourself out of the wetsuit but undo your swimsuit too and put it all back on again – every. freaking. time!

We have the better reproductive organs (a curse and blessing)
Yeah, ok, men are the ones that carry the necessary swimmers to add to the mixture but just who in the hell decided that women had to bleed for five days every month AND have to go through child labour? I mean, what’s with that?! Why couldn’t humans be created like seahorses where the men have the kids?! They’d quit moaning about a cut on their thumb quick enough. Not only that but after a lifetime of bleeding every month and labour, we get to go through months of hot flushes and cramps when we get the menopause! Yep, the Universe is a man.

We can never get away from sports
There is a point in time where you can have too much of a good thing and when it comes to sports that point is inexplicably true! I have no problem with the Olympics and football World Cup happening every 4 years but why does there ALWAYS have to be some kind of sport available to watch? Football season always seems to be starting but never appears to end, there are always ‘friendly games’ or ‘warm up’ matches before seasons of anything such as rugby or F1 racing begins and the games are exceptionally boring – cricket anyone? Enough already!

Men fair better in sex
No, I’m not saying men are better at sex (though many think they are lol), I’m saying that they have a lot less to think about. As far as they’re concerned, if they’ve got a condom, they’re good to go. The worst case scenario they’ll experience is an STD but women? There are almost a dozen types of contraception for us ranging from a daily pill to metal coils inside us. And if that’s not enough fun for you, we’re the ones that get pregnant. As I said, a STD for men versus an unplanned pregnancy for women isn’t exactly equal is it?! We also have the ‘luxury’ of gaining reputations if we sleep with different men. Men are celebrated for adding another ‘notch on the bed post’, we’re called slappers; FYI women can enjoy sex just as much as men so quit name-calling!

Hair
Both sexes have it but unless they’re a male model or just incredibly vain, they don’t have to get rid of theirs. We, on the other hand, have no choice. Nothing wrong with that; I like feeling sexy as hell when my legs are silky smooth but then men bitch to us about having a tiny bit of stubble coming through a few days later despite them looking like they’ve still got a sweater on because their chest hair is out of control.

Hugh Hefner still gets laid at his age (that’s all that needs to be said)

Men can eat more calories
Men get to have 2500 a day but women? The species that bleeds for five days, gives birth AND has to put up with sport? We get punished with 500 less?! That’s not right on any level especially when chocolate has SO many calories in it and we’re the one’s running around after the guys for most our lives.

* Disclaimer.  This isn’t an ‘I hate men’ post, I really do love them, I’m just saying there are a few unfair & funny advantages for them.  Please remember that if you comment on this post, keep it friendly…I don’t want everyone to start arguing about this when it’s just a bit of fun 🙂

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16 comments

  1. This post is SPOT ON!!!! Your point about hair removal really gets my goat as I can almost watch my leg hair grow, it grows that damn fast (what a lovely image of myself I have painted there…) so I have to shave nearly every damn day on holiday 🙁 And if men say they have the same deal with shaving their faces then I’ll scream, if a guy doesn’t shave for a few days they still look good – not so if a woman lets her armpit hair hang out!

    Men can also wear the same clothes over and over again without getting nasty comments, they spend far less money over a lifetime because they don’t have to buy tampons(just HOW expensive are they???), contraception (because how often does your fella agree to pay for it?)or bras, they also don’t need to squeeze their feet into tiny, pointed shoes and try to walk around in them for hours at a time. Men don’t hurt and bleed when they lose their virginity and they don’t lose their figures after childbirth.

    The universe is clearly a man 🙂

  2. My comment here is…

    no comment. 🙂

  3. hahaha i love your banter Toni – never fails to make me chuckle!

    …but seriously you really DONT have to peel off your wetsuit to pee – trust me ;P

  4. That is definitely true. It’s me…I’m MR Universe. Check me out 😉 😉

  5. Runaway – haha I LOVE your comment! I couldn’t stop laughing 🙂 Big high five to your points about tampons and shoes…couldn’t agree more 🙂 Thus endeth the lesson hey?! 🙂

  6. Erik – haha taking the safe option; like it 😉

  7. Melissa – high five girl! 🙂

  8. Chris – good to know I can make you laugh but eeeewwww to the wetsuit haha

  9. Rexy – don’t you need muscles to be Mr Universe?! 😉

  10. Ha! This was a fun read. I must admit I love being able to pee anywhere 😛

  11. Samuel – it’s DEFINITELY a perk for you boys :p

  12. Many great points! Definitely agree on the whole sports seasons never ending and there always being a dozen sporting events for guys to be obsessed with! Can’t stand it!

  13. Vicky – the sports is one of the main reasons…as you say, there are so many sports for the guys to watch; total yawn 😉

  14. Fernando Gitter

    Touche. Sound arguments. Keep up the amazing spirit.

  15. Fernando – Thank you 🙂