Around this time last year I wrote a pretty popular post – 7 reasons why I hate the British summer. Reasons such as men getting their moobs out and women walking around shops in their bikinis.
Well, the sun has been back out in the UK and it’s prompted a few more humurous reasons to dislike the British summer so here goes:
Two words: Socks and Sandals. Just who in the hell decided that this was EVER a good idea? You wear sandals because you want your feet to be cool when it’s hot so why on Earth would you wear socks to keep your feet warm? It also looks ridiculous, especially when the socks are pulled up to the ankle or, dare I say it, the knee – yuck!
Trashy beach shops
If you’re out a seaside town and it’s sunny, you can guarantee that the ‘beach shops’ will open. Buckets and spades, inflatables and colourful wind charms, all hanging outside designed to tempt the children and begin the pester power. Oh and let’s not forget the ‘sticks of candy rock’ and other trashy souvenirs found hanging around.
If it’s not football season and Wimbledon tennis tournament, it’s someone kicking a football around when you’re trying to get some peace and quiet in the park. I don’t mind a bit of frisby playing on the sea green but when it’s a leather football and it hits you in the boobs? Well, let’s just say that the football isn’t the only ‘ball’ I’d confiscate!
It rains. A lot. We don’t really have a summer in the traditional months any more. Now we tend to have a few good weeks in March/April and again in September/October. As for June, July and August? Well let’s just say that you’ll need your umbrella for the water not to give you shade. People then fall into two camps; the people that BBQ no matter what the weather because they invited people over and they’re not going to let a a little bit of rain stop them sitting outside and then there’s the people that sit indoors with a nice alcoholic drink laughing at the die-hards sat outside. (below is what my home looked like just over a week ago!).
Now, I’ve got nothing against wildlife as a whole but let’s face it, Britain isn’t exactly known for it’s ‘gorgeous insects’. Even the USA has ‘Love Bugs’. No, instead we get flying ants, flies that don’t mind whether they bathe in your burger juice or face sweat and wasps that will attach to anything from your lettuce leaves to your alcohol. And let’s not forget the dreaded Seagulls that come out in force to dive for your food at the seaside.
Now, I live in a seaside town; I’m no more than 10 minutes away from at least 4 beaches and I love it. However, with the sun and the heat comes tourists; and traffic, heaps of the stuff. And with traffic comes road rage that is only increased with the irritability that is usually associated with being stuck in a lunchbox with 2 parents and 4 kids for 5 hours on the motorway for their ‘weekend escape by the sea’. Speaking of traffic:
Caravans and cyclists
Just where in the hell have they been all winter? The first bit of sun pokes through the cloud and they become an infestation. Every major road is overrun with caravans and when you try and avoid them and hit the back and country roads? Well that’s when you meet the cyclists in their unflattering lycra and bum belts looking like they would have been sexy back in the 80s when spandex was fashionable.
I love a good cafe in the sun, truly I do but let’s face it, we’re not European; the only time we ever have the ‘cafe culture’ is when the sun and heat comes out. And the people sitting outside aren’t the pristine ladies dressed smartly drinking Pimms or an iced tea. No, our ‘cafe culture’ is a small greasy spoon cafe that has broken plastic furniture outside the door situated right on a busy road or bus lane; yeah because we’re classy like that. And even if you’re lucky enough to have a ‘posh cafe’ overlooking the harbour, it’s filled with fat men sitting around drinking pints with their shirts off letting it ‘all hang out’. Um, no thanks.
What do YOU hate about the British summer or Brit holidaymakers in general?