How can I worship a dick when it’s on the end of a bottle opener?

And if you’re wondering where that title comes from it’s because there are penis’ EVERYWHERE hoping for good fertility but when it’s on the end of a bottle opener or keyring, I’m not sure how ‘cultural’ it really is.

But anyway, what have I been up to since my birthday? Well wouldn’t you like to know! Ok, I’ll tell you but only because you asked so nicely.

Saturday Jess, Laura and I headed to Ubud for four days and we walked around the rice paddies, nice cafes and the insane market they have. I managed to get myself three pieces of genuine Suarti Silver for the same price as one piece from QVC. Not only that but one of them was a huge piece of sandstone which I had been after for ages – so happy!

Our accommodation was a ‘home stay’ and it looked like a grandiose temple…you’ll have to wait until I get home for the photos I think but it was stunning!

Then on Tuesday, Jess and I did the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done in my life…we got up at 2am to climb 685m over 5km up an active volcano to watch the sun rise over Bali!! Yes people, Me, I, Toni White, climbed a volcano! So proud of myself! I told people before I left that I was going to do it but I’m not sure they believed I would actually go through with it and in all honesty, I’m not sure I did either but I did it and what amazing bragging rights I have for the rest of my life!

We had another day to recover in Ubud and now we’re on the East Coast at a place called Padang Bai which is the port to go to the Gili Islands. I’m not going there (can’t afford the time or money) so I’ll leave the girls to go over whilst I head back to Legian (where my adventure started). I’ve booked to go diving on Saturday around the USS Liberty Wreck which I can’t wait for! Then on Sunday I’m going to try and get to Tanah Lot temple for sunset which is the famous temple over-looking the sea. In between that, I plan to have a dress made, get my laundry done and say goodbye to my three months of adventure. What a shame it’s almost over!

And instead of the ‘Dear Mr’ letters, today you will get ‘Girl Conversations’…stupid chats the three of us have had together over the last week…

When deciding what Disney characters we all were I admitted that I did the ‘test’ in Disney World and came out with Mrs Potts from Beauty and the Beast…
Laura: Is that the one with the purple rim?
Me: So where exactly is my purple rim Laura?

We bumped into an older lady from the US when standing at the ATM and got talking about how long we all had in Bali when she told us she had six months…then the conversation got weird…
Mrs USA: My son is a pilot and asked if I wanted to go to Bali but I wasn’t sure so I went home, lay on my floor and asked the forces whether to go or not. Suddenly, out of nowhere the Goddess of Compassion came to me and told me to go…even though she’s Chinese.
Laura and I (after she’d gone): Wow, what a crackpot.
Jess: I really want to meditate with her.
Laura: Why am I even friends with you?

Laura and I were in the shower together (with our bikinis on by the way) rinsing the sand off ourselves…
Laura: It’s so funny, we’ve only known you a week and we’re already showering, eating, sharing money and sleeping together…I wouldn’t even do that in a relationship!
Me: So what you’re saying is that you only slag it up for lesbian times?

Hope that made you smile?!

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