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I am The Undateable!

11 Feb Posted by in Blogging, Personal Thoughts | 26 comments
I am The Undateable!
 

I was talking to a friend the other night (and when I say friend, what I really mean is some girl I met whilst travelling that I barely ever speak to on Facebook because actually, in the real world, we have nothing in common) about general things and ‘catch ups’ when we got talking about my upcoming talk at the TNT travel show in London in March.  She asked what I would be talking about and when I said I would be mentioning connections on the road/sex her attitude changed slightly before she turned round and said ‘you know, a guy is never going to want to date you if you keep being this honest in public and on your blog.  A guy doesn’t want to know his girlfriend has slept with other guys or that she’s got mental baggage’.

I was so pissed off that I unfriended her; something I’d been considering for a while but her off the cuff comment totally enraged me because she represented everything I’m so against.  Since when did honesty in life become something to run away from?  Sure, at times, I do have a ‘wobble’ and think, ‘jeez, if a potential boyfriend reads everything from my sex posts to my deepest darkest thoughts before they’ve really got to know me, they’re going to run a mile’ but at the end of the day, if a man is worth anything, he will respect my honesty and realise that yes, I have talked about those kinds of things openly but only because I wanted to help inspire people and documented my physical and emotional journey, however brilliant or crappy those times may have been because I want to be able to look back and see how far I’ve come.

Man were we drunk!

I don’t want to attract a boy who’s level of emotional maturity is deciding whether or not sleeping with 3 girls a week is acceptable or not.  I want a man that appreciates that I’ve had life experience and that it gives me a unique perspective on life.  Sure, I know I’m asking a lot because let’s face it, most men do just want to get drunk and have sex but that’s not to say that they can’t do those things with me whilst appreciating the type of person I really am.

Honesty shouldn’t be something that we hide from, it should be something we celebrate.  When the day comes and I meet a special guy, will I tell him about my blog?  Sure but maybe not straight away.  Despite it being in the ‘public domain’, my blog feels like a very private place to me.  The place where I connect with special, like-minded people (like you) and where I can be brutally honest with both myself and others.  It’s my eyes – the ‘window into my soul’ as Edgar Allen Poe believed.  I want them to meet me in person and judge me for that version, not some version they’ve read about online and already made their minds up about before we’ve even made eye contact.  Just like anything you read online in news for example; words may tell you a story but there is always another story to be told in between.

This is me; the same person online as offline!

This is me; the same person online as offline!

And yet, I’m as honest on here through my writing as I am in real life.  On my first date with my ex, I told him about my past and he told me his and it only served to connect us more not create distance.  When it comes to life, I’m an open book whether you’ve known me for years or just met on my travels.  For me my blog is simply an extension of my personality offline; I’m no different so if people can’t handle my honesty either off or online then that’s their problem not mine.  Besides, from my experience, most people that run away from honesty are the people that can’t bring themselves to be honest in the first place.  Yes, I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s incredibly scary being honest but isn’t life about doing things that scare you so that you can get over those fears and accomplish things?  I’m honest in the hope that it might, just one day, inspire even one person or at the very least make them realise that they’re not alone in both their euphoria or sadness.

The person you meet on here is the person you’ll meet offline.  I can be funny, sad, honest, frightened and fall over myself helping you and that’s what personal writing should be about; personality.  I can write ‘things to do’ lists but I’ll add in my sarcasm where I can. I can write deeply personal thoughts in a serious tone.  And I can write rants that really make you laugh.  And yet, yes, deep down, I do worry that a man won’t ‘get it‘, get ME, especially if he’s not a blogger and wonders why I’d write such personal things online (but if he doesn’t get blogging then I’m not dating him but that’s a whole other blog post).  Whilst I may be a travel blogger, as I’ve said to you before, I truly consider myself a writer.  I don’t say that to be a snob or belittle blogging, I just mean that my love of writing covers all genres as you have no doubt seen on here.  I write for you, I write for others and I write for myself; I have and will always be a writer at heart.  It’s not something I can describe; it’s just part of me.

So am I undateable?  To a lot of men, sure.  Confidence and honesty isn’t something a lot of men can handle and I worry that at times I just won’t find someone special enough to appreciate those qualities but until the time I meet that Special Someone, I am The Undateable and PROUD OF IT!

  1. Talon02-11-13

    If you were a dude, I would SO date you.

    And welcome to the undateable club! Gay, single parent with a younger child, overweight, not materially wealthy (and no desire to be), slightly on the sloppy side, don’t care for musicals or fashion or stupid drama, big on communication, not into stupid games, huge on honesty and integrity. . . yeah, about as undateable as you can get.

  2. Carrie02-11-13

    There is someone out there for everybody, right?
    Keep the faith!
    Carrie x

  3. Pablo02-11-13

    Great post, I would have been pissed too! It’s unfair how women are viewed like that, yet women are supposed to be understanding of men who have a great time and enjoy crazy experiences? Why does it matter, if it doesn’t effect others in a negative way then let it be. Enjoy life, have experiences, the right people will come along and feel the same way, life is a journey filled with memories and experiences.
    Pablo recently posted..A Romantic First Kiss

  4. Scarlett02-11-13

    I’d definitely date you. If a guy doesn’t appreciate your experiences and how they have helped to shape the beautiful, fabulous girl we see today… he’s never going to be a good boyfriend anyway and he doesn’t deserve you. xxx
    Scarlett recently posted..The Joys of Renting…

  5. snowbird02-11-13

    I’m with Scarlett! Great post!xxxxx

  6. The CounterIntuitive02-12-13

    i was literally thinking “what bad advise” when i read what your fb “friend” said, so it was great to read you saw the light and gave her the boot!

    in my opinion, being honest and truthful only brings about a tough filter. if you can learn to live with the “risk” of doing that, it’s only going to serve you well. the happy upside to the filter that everyone forgets is when you DO find someone that matches, the bond is SO much stronger…. which is what we’re looking for anyway.
    The CounterIntuitive recently posted..Surviving the Tough Guy 2013 Challenge

  7. Esther02-12-13

    Be always on guard when other woman (or even a man in some cases) says you are undateable. Not-so-pretty combo of low-self esteem and jealousy. And the Man You Will Date will be very happy that he is the Man ;)

  8. Aryn02-14-13

    I wouldn’t worry so much about Mr.Right finding your blog weird. I know it may awkward to come out at first but once I finally told my boyfriend about my blog he thought it was so cool and wanted to help contribute to it!
    Aryn recently posted..Wuhan, China

  9. Jeremy Branham02-15-13

    I wouldn’t worry about being honest at all. I think you are doing something far more important with your posts – discovering yourself. Not only are you traveling but you are learning some important things along the way. You are not letting a guy or the world define – you are becoming more self confident in who you are with your experiences as you travel and live life.

    THAT will make you dateable. That is what will attract a boyfriend. Until you learn to love yourself and become comfortable with who you are in your own skin, then no guy is worth dating. Keep going what you’re doing.

    I am often vulnerable and open as well when I write. I think people connect with that. More importantly, you connect with that and it’s making you a better person because of it.
    Jeremy Branham recently posted..Soaring through Mariposa on a Yosemite zipline high

  10. Toni02-15-13

    Talon – Will it do if I turn into a reverse ladyboy? ;) And when you put it like that (with your list), I sound like Angelina Jolie; the men will be falling at my feet haha. You sound like the best date ever though! No stupid games, huge on honesty and integrity and you have a kid? Yep, pretty sure I’d be stalking you if I were gay :p

  11. Toni02-15-13

    Carrie – amen to that lovely! :)

  12. Toni02-15-13

    Pablo – I think you’ve got it spot on…there is still, unfortunately, a bit of double standards still around in that men can be seen to go ‘crazy’ but women can’t though I think yo’re right…enjoy life and have experiences because surely that’s what travel is really all about? I think your travel philosophy is great – it’s all about the memories! :)

  13. Toni02-15-13

    Scarlett – I’d date you too ;) And thank you for the compliments gorgeous – I’m totally blushing more than a bottle of rosé wine right now :D xx

  14. Toni02-15-13

    Snowbird – thank you :)

  15. Toni02-15-13

    Counterintuitive – I’m glad I gave her the boot too! ;)

    I never really thought about it like that but you’re right – putting yourself out there with honesty can be a risk so you have to be strong to do it which does, as you say, serve us well on our travels…great point! And yes, finding a matching person really would make the bond that much stronger! Thanks Andonis! :)

  16. Toni02-15-13

    Esther – Self-esteem and jealousy?! You’re VERY right! Some people can’t stop putting their negativity on others can they?! hehe I look forward to meeting The Man :D

  17. Toni02-15-13

    Aryn – that would definitely be a great outcome that the guy would want to get involved…how lovely of your boyfriend…it’s nice when you are interested in each others hobbies etc! :)

  18. Olivia - young on the road02-17-13

    I love this!! honesty is always, ALWAYS the best option. Keep at it.
    Olivia – young on the road recently posted..How to Be the Perfect Restaurant Customer

  19. Dave @ Travel Transmissions02-19-13

    Not only are you honest, but you’re a damn convincing writer too. I find myself saying yea! f that bitch! as I read on haha that’s a real talent.

    Sounds like your head’s in the right place though. If the dude can’t handle it, why bother? Til things change, keep enjoying the freest life anyone knows. Keep doing WHAT you want, WHEN you want!
    Dave @ Travel Transmissions recently posted..Chinese Lion Dance – Tet New Year, Saigon, Vietnam

  20. TammyOnTheMove02-19-13

    What your ‘friend’ said is just bullshit. If someone really loves you then he won’t care about your past. Everybody has got some baggage!
    TammyOnTheMove recently posted..Flashback Friday: That time I was attacked by vampire bats

  21. Chris02-23-13

    Get messed up…make some bad decisions and see where life takes you :P

  22. Toni02-23-13

    Olivia – thanks! I’ll keep going :)

  23. Toni02-23-13

    Tammy – exactly! What did my ‘friend’ think a guy was going to think…that I was a virgin slave for men?! I don’t think so haha

  24. Toni02-23-13

    Travel Transmissions – haha I’m just imagining you standing up from your laptop and punching your fist in the air when you said that :D and thank you for your lovely compliments about my writing; very much appreciated lovely!
    I will definitely continue to enjoy my freedom until I find a man who appreciates me as a whole :) Know anyone?! haha

  25. Toni02-23-13

    Chris – haha BRILLIANT line there love! :D

  26. Toni02-23-13

    Jeremy – I never actually thought about it like this but you’re right in so many ways! I really am discovering myself through writing and what a great thing to be able to look back on and see how far I’ve come! :)

    I think you’re spot on – people appreciate and connect when you allow yourself to be vulnerable in your writing and those of the kind of people we need and want to attract in our live! Thank you for your comment; you really made me see it in a totally different way :)

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