I was talking to a friend the other night (and when I say friend, what I really mean is some girl I met whilst travelling that I barely ever speak to on Facebook because actually, in the real world, we have nothing in common) about general things and ‘catch ups’ when we got talking about my upcoming talk at the TNT travel show in London in March. She asked what I would be talking about and when I said I would be mentioning connections on the road/sex her attitude changed slightly before she turned round and said ‘you know, a guy is never going to want to date you if you keep being this honest in public and on your blog. A guy doesn’t want to know his girlfriend has slept with other guys or that she’s got mental baggage’.
I was so pissed off that I unfriended her; something I’d been considering for a while but her off the cuff comment totally enraged me because she represented everything I’m so against. Since when did honesty in life become something to run away from? Sure, at times, I do have a ‘wobble’ and think, ‘jeez, if a potential boyfriend reads everything from my sex posts to my deepest darkest thoughts before they’ve really got to know me, they’re going to run a mile’ but at the end of the day, if a man is worth anything, he will respect my honesty and realise that yes, I have talked about those kinds of things openly but only because I wanted to help inspire people and documented my physical and emotional journey, however brilliant or crappy those times may have been because I want to be able to look back and see how far I’ve come.
I don’t want to attract a boy who’s level of emotional maturity is deciding whether or not sleeping with 3 girls a week is acceptable or not. I want a man that appreciates that I’ve had life experience and that it gives me a unique perspective on life. Sure, I know I’m asking a lot because let’s face it, most men do just want to get drunk and have sex but that’s not to say that they can’t do those things with me whilst appreciating the type of person I really am.
Honesty shouldn’t be something that we hide from, it should be something we celebrate. When the day comes and I meet a special guy, will I tell him about my blog? Sure but maybe not straight away. Despite it being in the ‘public domain’, my blog feels like a very private place to me. The place where I connect with special, like-minded people (like you) and where I can be brutally honest with both myself and others. It’s my eyes – the ‘window into my soul’ as Edgar Allen Poe believed. I want them to meet me in person and judge me for that version, not some version they’ve read about online and already made their minds up about before we’ve even made eye contact. Just like anything you read online in news for example; words may tell you a story but there is always another story to be told in between.
And yet, I’m as honest on here through my writing as I am in real life. On my first date with my ex, I told him about my past and he told me his and it only served to connect us more not create distance. When it comes to life, I’m an open book whether you’ve known me for years or just met on my travels. For me my blog is simply an extension of my personality offline; I’m no different so if people can’t handle my honesty either off or online then that’s their problem not mine. Besides, from my experience, most people that run away from honesty are the people that can’t bring themselves to be honest in the first place. Yes, I’m not going to lie, sometimes it’s incredibly scary being honest but isn’t life about doing things that scare you so that you can get over those fears and accomplish things? I’m honest in the hope that it might, just one day, inspire even one person or at the very least make them realise that they’re not alone in both their euphoria or sadness.
The person you meet on here is the person you’ll meet offline. I can be funny, sad, honest, frightened and fall over myself helping you and that’s what personal writing should be about; personality. I can write ‘things to do’ lists but I’ll add in my sarcasm where I can. I can write deeply personal thoughts in a serious tone. And I can write rants that really make you laugh. And yet, yes, deep down, I do worry that a man won’t ‘get it‘, get ME, especially if he’s not a blogger and wonders why I’d write such personal things online (but if he doesn’t get blogging then I’m not dating him but that’s a whole other blog post). Whilst I may be a travel blogger, as I’ve said to you before, I truly consider myself a writer. I don’t say that to be a snob or belittle blogging, I just mean that my love of writing covers all genres as you have no doubt seen on here. I write for you, I write for others and I write for myself; I have and will always be a writer at heart. It’s not something I can describe; it’s just part of me.
So am I undateable? To a lot of men, sure. Confidence and honesty isn’t something a lot of men can handle and I worry that at times I just won’t find someone special enough to appreciate those qualities but until the time I meet that Special Someone, I am The Undateable and PROUD OF IT!