I want crusty bloomers*

*it’s an English loaf of bread you dirty people! 😀
I know I’m usually a pretty random person but it appears that I’ve been getting some really random food cravings of late too. I’ve been wanting this bread for the past two days and now, today I really want a scotch egg; hmm, something feels afoot here and it isn’t the smell of parmesan cheese (foot, cheese, geddit?!) lol.

We start today’s post (ok so technically we’ve already started the post but let’s not split hairs, I have enough of those already and am in desperate need of a hairdresser) by welcoming my new stalker follower Salean I’m not sure where you came from: but I’m glad you decided to join the party; it’s nice to have you on board!

New developments on my feelings regarding China; remind me again, why in the hell am I going?! In recent years there’s barely been a peep out of them and suddenly, just as I am about to go, everything begins to kick-off and Google are seriously considering pulling the plug on the £370 million a year business out of principle! Jeez. Way to make a girl feel welcome lol. No ‘free Tibet’ talk when I’m blogging in Beijing then 🙂

I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster the last couple of days. One minute I’m fine. I can’t wait to go away and everything is coming together etc and the next I’m sat crying on my bed for twenty minutes realising just how scared I am of this trip and telling myself I don’t want to go. I know, I know, I am more than capable of doing this journey alone, that it will be the best experience of my life and thousands of people have been/are going through the same thing BUT that initial thought of going on a 13 hour journey with no-one to greet me on the other side scares the crap out of me! Lol. However, I’ve been in touch with a couple of Couch Surfers asking for advice and they’ve been great so it’s helped me feel better about it all 🙂 It always amazes me how perfect ‘strangers’ online can often give you the most support; it’s truly humbling.

It’s not just the travel that’s got to me though. Some issues with Daddy Dearest have cropped up again (trust me, you don’t want to know), a family member showed me their true colours at the weekend and ladies and gentleman it was the blackest of black, I’m still feeling pretty crap about Mr Officer where I sway from feeling completely unwanted to boiling over with anger and all of the above is further compounded by the fact that instead of ‘finding out who your true friends are in the bad times in life’, I find that I have no friends. Screw it. Thing is, I ‘put on a show’ 24/7 so that people can’t see the real me and every now and then, when I get tired, I get to the point where I feel emotionally exhausted and every feeling and thought I had been trying to suppress comes out in a misleading little shiny box tied with a barbed wire ribbon and a gift tag that reads ‘Open me’. Damn the shiny wrapping paper; it knows I’m a sucker for anything sparkly! 🙂

Oh and here’s my business card I created….I’m so happy with it! (And isn’t it a great photo of the lovely nail varnish I’ve got on?!).
Thanks to everyone who voted/expressed that this was their favourite card design, I’m really glad I chose it and some of the girls at work think it’s gorgeous!

I’m off to my cousin’s tomorrow for the weekend. He’s only over in the next county but it’s far enough away to give me some ‘time out’ and hopefully clear my head a little.

Enjoy your weekend guys and gals.

P.S. as of yesterday, it is officially only TWO MONTHS until D-day…it feels like only yesterday I was saying it was ten months away and now Christmas is a distant memory and in 8 weeks time I’ll be in Tokyo – WOOHOO!!

Leave a Reply


  1. I thought of you when I heard about the possible Google pull-out. Hopefully things will get settled in the next two months and it will all work out okay.

    I think you were really smart to book your first few nights in a hotel and know where you’re headed. That will make your arrival easier and give you time to adjust to the jet-lag.

    It’s a big trip but I’m confident you’ll love it once you get started. The hardest part is the waiting.

    Hang in there and have a fun weekend.

  2. First off — I love your business card! What a beautiful design Toni.

    Secondly, hang in there re: your China trip. Truly, you will look back on this one day as one of the most marvelous times in your life. I did quite a few roadtrips all by myself – to Yellowstone Natl Park in Wyoming (and hiked on my own too!), to New Mexico and Arizona, to Taos in New Mexico another time… suffice to say, I look back now and I miss those footloose and adventurous days! 🙂

    I agree with Joanna – the hardest part is the waiting, and sometimes the anticipation beforehand can get the best of you and make you second guess your whole trip. Don’t let it! Just keep looking forward to this great new experience and what an awesome time you are going to have exploring a different culture. And of course, WE can’t wait to hear all about it when you return. What fantastic blog posts and piccies you will have!

    Hang in there Toni!!!

  3. Toni

    Joanna – I couldn’t agree with you more. I think a lot of my angst at the moment is because the trip is so close yet still so far away. I’m an inpatient person as it is lol. I’ve got the first entire day to myself when I touch down in Tokyo so I can get my bearings and deal with my jet lag without any pressure. One Couch Surfer has even said she’ll meet me at the station if I want…how lovely! Thank you for your support and kind words.

  4. Toni

    Susan – I’m so glad that you like my card design; I’m really happy with it 🙂
    Yellowstone National Park?! Ugh jealous…that’s definitely on my ‘to do list’ of life. You’re right, I will look back on this trip and be thankful…I guess it’s just difficult to think that far in advance when I’m stuck in a rut at the moment but I’ll get through it.

    I think that’s one of the biggest problems I’m going through; second guessing. It’s got my head in a mess but talking to people who live in each place is helping to relieve my fears a little. And you won’t need to wait until I get back – I’ll be blogging as I travel 🙂 Can’t wait!
    Thanks for your words of advice and comfort.