Yes folks, today I join the ‘quarter of a century birthday club’. I sound old and wise like Yoda don’t I? That’s ok, Yoda kicks ass figuratively, physically and mentally!
It’s also another momentous day – 90 days until my big adventure to Africa starts =) Let the good times roll…
In the spirit of joining the QOC club, I thought I would list 25 pieces of wisdom I’ve learnt or discoveries I’ve made along the way…
– Sneezing chocolate mousse over your mum’s brand new white skirt will not make you look like a cute baby, just a messy one.
– You will become a magpie; if there’s just one shiny piece of jewellery in a store, you’ll find it (ooh human metal detector business??)
– Hitting the self-destruct button at 13 for six years will, unsurprisingly, hurt you more than anyone else (despite what others profess) but it will also make you the strongest person you know because of it.
– Aged 10 you will write to the Prime Minister about the use of toy guns….and get a reply (because my writing was that damn good! lol)
– Having eczema will make you feel the ugliest girl in the world at times but at least you don’t have acne with it too.
– At 18 years old you will begin a ‘hobby career’ in volunteering that will span 6 years and 5 different projects; you will leave them at 24 to have ‘me time’.
– You’ll have your first encounter with a true ‘monster in law’ aged 18 and for the next 4.5 years she will demand a wedding and babies; she will get nothing but a son with a broken heart courtesy of moi (I wasn’t mean, just fell outta love).
– Maths will NEVER make sense to you and you’ll end up looking like a complete moron in front of anyone when you have to do sums.
– Despite trying to tell everyone you’re not posh, you must remember that you sound like a 5 year old child from Westminster so accept the criticisms.
– When travelling you will drink like you’ve never tasted alcohol, dance like everyone is too drunk to see and laugh until your jaw aches. You will also cry tears of sadness/joy, let your inhibitions go and have the time of your life.
– At 14 you will be on a rollercoaster with your 3 Aunties in Disney World, Florida when your top shuffles down revealing your bee-sting boobs in a bra…..right before the camera takes it obligatory photo which will make you scream ‘shit’ when you realise; Aunties will buy said photo.
– Your thirst for travel will begin aged 6 when you fly by yourself to see your dad. You have nothing but a bag of colouring books, a packet of sweets to share with the cabin crew and other passengers and Cherry, your favourite teddy. You will feel like a grown up & love it!
– In response to ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ situations, you’ll be forced to realise that you ‘fight’ each and every time. If you’re a punk kid stealing beer from my shop, I will run down the road after you and if there is a situation which causes everyone else to run around like headless chickens, I will take control. Don’t panic, keep calm; Toni is here =)
– Genetics will work against you. Your father’s side of the family will give you a huge ass and your mother’s side will give you child-bearing hips, bingo wings and, unlike the rest of them, small boobs. Start your exercise programme in your teens instead of 20s.
– Chocolate and its associates; Mr B.Skit and Miss K.Ake will be both heaven and hell for you (see point above)
– Writing is your natural talent.
– By the time you’re 18 you will have saved 2 people’s lives.
– Your mum will assign you the nickname ‘Toni Woni Macaroni’ at 1 years old which, when you are 15, your 3 year old cousin will shout at the top of her head in the middle of the store but it will sound like this: ‘noni woni macawoni – where arrrreee yoooouuuu?’. You will run in the opposite direction but eventually learn to accept ‘toni woni’ as your nickname.
– You will meet a man that you want to marry but he will break, not just your heart, but your entire spirit and yet you’ll still miss him daily.
– After using Nails Inc, painting your nails will become one of your hobbies and in 3 years you will spend approx £1000 on their products.
– You will turn 18 in New York City, 19 in Cyprus, 20 in Disney World Florida, 21 in Paris, 22 in the Dominican Republic, 23 in Paris and 24 in Bali.
– Shamefully, WWE and Hanna Barbera cartoons (Scooby Doo, Wacky Races etc) will play a big part in your DVD collection.
– Despite everywhere you have travelled already, Corbiere Lighthouse in Jersey (Channel Islands) will still be your favourite place in the world.
– OCD will crop up from time in time. You won’t clear your room for shit but you will play songs over and over again until you get bored with them, likewise with films…Twister and Bedknobs and Broomsticks will become ‘comfort films’.
– Aged 15, you should have fast forward a few years, then gone back in time and reminded yourself not to even think about wearing that!
There are many things in life I have yet to learn including being completely at peace with myself in the past and present and finding true happiness (which I had a wonderful glimpse at in Thailand) but for now I’m 25 and I’m still ‘messing around’ =)
Join me as I continue to grow and discover the person I am and want to be. Africa here I come!!!